Playing For Keeps

My First love asked what it is like to be loved by him.

He asked me all of the questions under the sun, thinking maybe there was a slim,

Chance that he will get a true glance,

At my heart. 

No I do not know how to love or how to be loved, but of course looking at you,there was a glove that I imagined you fit very well.

Real love.

Faultless it all may seem,

This story we wrote as a team, 

But only I can read.

broken you could see, through each seam.

Who wants tea?

Brewing a internal disturbance. In the back of my mind, I would leave him to blame. 

Pin him to a board and pin every problem I had  that would begin with his name.

Blueprint of each move, Is this the game?

But really I was arguing with my self trying to understand me.

It was me. Who did not love myself, me, who did not see myself. 

Me who did not trust ..... myself.

ME being blind. I realize

He, is not the problem. 

Yes, Pain is heavy

The weight of my heart, you kept.

My fears, and worries for you to let go.

And now I understand why you left.

Listen....

You listen the nights that I wept.

Every night, Waiting for me to fall asleep.

Me, Thinking it was never my burden to critique.

Him again, with the questions.

What is wrong?

But,Now it’s my turn.

Where do I belong?

My mind tense with fear,  

of the unknown,

My eyes overflow with each tear.

 But you know me. 

This is why I speak,

To let go of the secrets I keep.

-ChareseJay Speaks